A Big Ass Hole

I've learned in my travels that Las Vegas is on the whole about the tackiest place on Earth. No, scratch that. Las Vegas is the tackiest place in the 3rd dimension. And to boot it is filled with people that frankly any sane person needs to worry about. For instance: The designer of the world famous Showcase mall on the Las Vegas Strip has decided to create an exact replica of The Grand Canyon.

Yep, the idiot wants to build a 43,000 square foot model of the landmark right smack down the middle of the city so people can shop in it.

Now if only they could hire that nerdy dude from Honey I Shrunk the Kids to zap down a few burrows to act as shopping carts it would be a perfect fiasco.

Viva Las Vegas!

Judge Stud

Keeping with the theme of Vegas. Just a few miles southeast in New Mexico there was a dispute that had been going on since November 1998. Seems the District Judiciary position had been vacant since three run offs and four recounts between Incumbent Jim Blancq and rival Lena Milligan. Following the rules of elections the two had to resort to a game of chance. So they did. The head judge, Neil Mertz grabbed a deck of cards and shuffled calling for seven card stud, nothing wild, cold ante.

One by one the cards were turned over. Finally the race was over. Two pair over a single pair, Jim Blancq successfully defended his bench.

My only two questions here are very simple. First off, did they make any side bets as the cards were turned over? And two, if it's a game of chance why didn't they just play Russian Roulette?

I love America!

I Got the Power!

One other thing that makes me want to point a gun at my noggin and see if I feel lucky is when I pay bills.

Frank and Pat Radella of Billings, Montana certainly agree with me. Recently Frank had to call his bank with a warning of a slight overdraw on his checking account as a result of a misprint on his power bill. Seems the Montana State Power Company charged him 50 billion dollars for the month of September. That'll teach him to leave the refrigerator door open, dammit!

The Power Company, red faced and embarrassed apologized for the error and fixed it right away, claiming a typing error.

A typing error? Do they know how many zeros are in 50 billion? How many zeros does it take to make one man to realize a problem?

Geez, this sounds like a Peter, Paul and Mary tune.

He's Leaving on a Jet Plane

Airports are pretty security minded places. They have radar and scanners and doo dads of every sort to poke and prod you into admitting the Sony Walkman you're carrying is really a bomb from Osama Bin Laden. Well, ever hear the phrase "not seeing the forest for the trees"? Yeah well, it appears the Reagan National Airport in Alexandria, Virginia hasn't heard it. And whets worse, they don't care. Allow me to explain. Christopher Peregory took a TWA flight from Alexandria to St. Louis without permission. He simply sneaked past security, the checking booth, the boarding attendants and nabbed an empty seat in the back of the plane. The freaky part about this is… Christopher is 12 years old. TWA was not happy about this "He hid in the shadow of an adult" to avoid the gate agent. They also refused to accept the wrap for the kid's adventure, " he did something that was a violation of several statutes, and that should be the focus of what occurred here." In other words they are not responsible for the people on the plane.

Look folks. If your gate agent had decided to, oh I don't know, count the number of people versus the number of tickets this problem wouldn't have occurred. Good job TWA. Maybe the next time a plane of yours comes in for a vertical landing you can blame the passengers for eating too many peanuts and exceeding the weight limit of the piece of garbage plane you own!

Oh yeah, the kid by the way got his due punishment once Mom caught up with him.

He is grounded until pigs fly.

Maybe TWA should take some advice.

I Ain't got time to concede

Everyone knows politicians are two faced. Trouble is those faces themselves can spawn an extra set of beady eyes also. Take the Reform Party for example. This is the party that smuggly sat in the background as their golden child, Jesse Ventura was elected Governor of Minnesota. They knew the spotlight would now focus on the their richly deserved platforms as the political realm finally takes heed of a party other that the donkeys and elephants.

Well, gold greens after a while apparently. In a Playboy interview set up by the reform party, Jesse Ventura attacked everything from organized religion to the historical Tailhook scandal to how great it is to be governor. "It's good to be king," he jokes.

Reform Party chairman Russell Verney wasn't laughing. In fact he's biting the hand that fed him just this past November. He's calling for Ventura to resign.

The wrestler turned baby kisser has refused and has no intentions of ever listening to the back stabbing loser.

See folks, I'm not a reformist. I think the system is only as good as the people we plug into it. It's like the government has been running Ray-o-Vacs lately and is under some dire straits to get that pink bunny in to run things. The one thing I can't stand however is a politician that waffles. Ventura is an idiot. The guy has no business in the governor's office BUT he was elected and he is doing exactly the things he said he would do. How many politicians do you know of that can claim that?

This Verney dude went on to say that he no longer considers Ventura the "Cosette" for the Red and Black movement of the Reform Party. In fact he is looking to woo Republican Pat Buchanan over to the dark side. He's going from a brawler to a nazi.

Well, you gotta admit. He's consistently stupid. One has to admire that quality.