Hello again, folks! I know, I know, "where the hell have I been?!?" Yeah, well that's an interesting
I have, for the last two weeks, been fighting with my Zen Buddhist brothers in South Korea for the
freedom to meditate in peace and prosperity. It had previously been a quiet battle. One usually is quiet
when emersed in tranquil reverie but lately the governmental, economic and religious oppression has
grown to a boiling point. And as my Zen Master Am-Booboo says, " We are monks of tolerance but
there is only so much a person can endure before one picks up a steel chair and beats the living
eternity out of someone."
So I've been a little busy.
I'll give you the story as was reported by the Associated Press just yesterday.
Senseless bickering and an unsatiable powerlust have plagued the Chogye Order of South Korea, the
nations largest Buddhist Monk Sanctuary. Seems there are some monks who feel the leadership needs
some new blood. What started as a peaceful protest from a small group of youthful monks (Yes, we
do call them monkeys. How much more Zen could one get?) has grown into a roving gang of red and
yellow robed skinheads going, "Om". And now that new blood is acting as a cleansing agent for the
tile floors of the 14th Century temple. The leadership has taken steps to assure the sanctity of the
temple but life just isn't the same anymore.
It's hard to pray to Buddha with seventeen feet of barbed wire surrounding it. You can't even rub his
belly for luck anymore. I would have complained to Am-Booboo but he now has an elite force of
monks wearing baseball caps and smoking cigarettes carrying bamboo sticks surrounding him at all
times. Geez, I thought the Pope had tight security.
Don't get me wrong. I'm still with the mainstream monks (come on, how could one NOT be. I mean,
the parties alone are worth it.) But about three days ago there was a fight that left about 10 monks
injured and several more lay people. Now, I'm not exactly sure what a "lay person" is but I know that
no one can hit just one. You should have seen them. They were laying all over the
place…unconscious from the severe beating from bamboo sticks and the occasional steel chair.
It was like watching WCW Monday Nitro.
Now I don't want to be the one to condone violence, even in the wake of my Master's extreme ass
kicking of the heathen monkey upstarts. In fact, I want to tell everyone that peace is the answer and
everyone should hug one another every time the chance arises.
So Am-Booboo gave me an idea. I can use words to tell people that everything will be okay in the
world. I can write about the stories that happen everyday but go unnoticed by the mainstream media. I
can explain them to readers and point out the injustice and insanity of the human realm.
Or I could just pick some poor unsuspecting slob of a politician and crucify the sucker.
So from now on The Hy5 would be an acknowledgement of sheer greatness. Whether the greatness is
of the glimmering brilliance of discovery or ability or the blithering idiocy of someone from say-
Alabama. The Hy5 would now be an award of sorts to the individuals or groups out there whom are
most deserving that week.
So to honor my brethren monks out there, this week I give a big Hy5 to The Chogye Temple of South
Korea. One never sees violence clearly unless it just happens to be a bunch of peace worshippers
swinging blunt objects around, smacking people because someone questioned their leadership.
So welcome me back folks. My spirit is now cleansed and I can attack the world with new vigor.