Geez. Wouldn't it be great to God for a day? I mean aside from all that horror and writhing humility
swamping the third world countries and alleyways of our largest cities it would be pretty groovy to
have all encompassing power to control the cosmos and summer Coca-Cola prices everywhere. Well,
of course that's just a pipe dream. No one can really be God; no matter how many sheep they clone.
Only one dude or to be fair, dudette can perform that valued function. And boy what a great job they
do.
In fact I think its about time we recognize God and his remarkable power to rid this planet of scum
and evilry. So this week I'm presenting my coveted HY5 Award to him/her. To be more detailed I'm
awarding the HY5 to one of his/her most efficient tools of the trade: gravity.
What power is more ultimate than gravity? Its broad ranging power has even creeped into our
colloquialisms "What goes up must come down" and all that.
In fact, this year alone and even more so this last week has been a well spring of gravitational
exhibition. Not since the early 80's have this many clear-cut examples of pure F.L.A.R.E. occurred
(Falling Like A Rock Encounter). So, I now pronounce the reasons for gravity being this week's HY5
winner.
Flight 990 headed for Egypt. It's strange when one comes with the realization that just when we think
we figured out commuter flights, a plane with over 200 people on board can just disappear from the
scopes at 33,000 feet with perfect visibility and no maintenance record problems.
The Blue Angels. Gravity teaches us that no matter how well me make airplanes and train people to fly
them it can kick our ass even if we did act like Tom Cruise on acid.
Payne Stewart. Like so many examples from the past: Buddy Holly, Stevie Ray Vaughn, and John
Denver. If you're famous, rich and talented you can still travel to Earth at terminal velocity like any
everyday old schmoe.
Sick joke of the week: What did the cow say before Payne Stewart's plane crashed into it? Moo.
In summary I'd like to remind everyone out there while keeping the travelling holidays almost upon us
in mind.
Take a bus. It has been proven that anyone reading this article and trying to fly after it can result in
immediate and utter introduction to the ground and full tilt speed. Just a day ago an F-15 pilot read the
first draft of this article and today the fuel tank on his jet fell off in mid-flight. He managed to land
safely but as I understand it they're sending me the bill.
Just my luck.