Okay, people are going to start worrying about me after this article. But it is something that just has to be done.

We're gonna get invaded by Mars.

Yeah, I said it. There are little green men skittering over the surface of the red planet and their just itching to fly over here and make our lives a complete hell. I'm talking Will Smith and that big ass proton beam blowing up New York City.

Ever since the Mars Climate Observer satellite disappeared from NASA's scopes a couple of days ago my fears have been germinating into a boiling stew of aliens and flying saucers buzzing around like Kathy Lee Gifford in a sweat shop.

The reports on USA Today and CNN and those other so called "respectable" news agencies haven't mentioned it. Larry King hasn't mentioned it. No one. Except me. That's right sports fans. I have a scoop for ya.

Aliens are headed for Earth.

It's actually been a conspiracy that has been going on for quite a while. See if you remember these instances.

About two years ago NASA was having problems with their rockets blowing up a few seconds after launch. Three of them turned to dust. All three of them were carrying satellites that were headed to Mars.

About a year ago a satellite that was headed for Mars to study the Polar Regions (a, uh- probe if you will) disappeared halfway there. NASA still has no clue what happened to it.

That cute little Sojourner robot that was rolling around the surface kissing rocks worked very well, even beyond its programmed lifetime, and then stopped transmitting for no reason. They think it is still rolling around aimlessly.

Those damn Martians have our robot!

There is some sort of interplanetary conspiracy going on here. And what is worse there are humans in on it.

NASA clearly has to have something to do with these events. Also the news agencies. (I don't know about Larry King)

So folks, its time to prepare. Forget Y2K. It's M2K now. Mars 2000. That's when they're coming. All that Roswell crap and phantom airplanes and crop circles and Steven Spielberg movies have been nothing but prologue. I hope you took notes because it's gonna get hairy.

I'm just glad that I studied the television series "V" back in the mid-eighties. They really knew what they were talking about. I suggest if you haven't prepared then rent or buy a copy of every V episode you can and compile a manual in which to refer when the ships start arriving.

We can win my friends. Just because they have light speed capability doesn't mean we can't kick their little green asses.

Whew. I'm glad that burden is off my shoulders. Now if I can only get that final piece of evidence on the Loch Ness Monster we can make this world a safe place for our children.

Keep safe, people and keep your eyes on the skies.