Damn the Man! This is a defiant slogan of freedom from oppression and deep personal strength. Whenever we damn the man we stand boldly in front of any oppression and say that we will not take this standing, no matter the cost. I dedicate this issue to those unique individuals who will not follow the fold and will break out under any situation. The following stories are examples that will perhaps show and entice you also to "Damn the man!"

Or at least they will make you wonder about my sanity.

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Giveíem the Finger!

One of the damned men on this planet is a doctor. They are responsible for several hundred attacks on our personal freedom. And cunningly they do it under the guise of good health and longevity. Well, I donít believe it. In fact a lot of men donít. Recently the USAToday reported that one third of American men refuse to go to the doctor, even if they are sick and dying.

Now logically this doesnít make sense but who cares? Doctors are the man and they will not be cooperated with! There is a valid reason why we donít go to doctors. My interest peaked; I read this article front to back to see if they knew why we donít go to the man.

They donít have a clue.

So, in an effort to gain support in our Damn the Man movement, I will explain our reason for the anti-doctor clause in hopes of you seeing the logic behind our thoughts and join our little band.

Raise your fist. Go ahead, no one will laugh. Okay, now extend your index finger. Look at that finger. Concentrate on it. Concentrating? Good.

THAT is the reason men donít go to doctors.

Think about it.


Putting in my 13,513 cents worth.

Another man subject to our defiance is the police. In fact the police is what spawned the Damn the Man militia in the first place. Way back in the sixties. While I am a law-abiding citizen about seventy five percent of the day, the other quarter screams out in anger at the imminent stupidity of laws and police.

A general in our army is Randy McCain of Claude, Texas. He received one of this "Drive Friendly" speeding tickets valued at $135.00 for travelling 90 mph in a 70 mph zone. McCain adamantly maintained he was not speeding. With no choice, he had to pay the fine. So he strolled into Justice of the Peaceís office with a 78-pound sack of unrolled pennies. He had to pay an extra 20 bucks to have them rolled but I think he got the point across.

I want to award General McCain with The HY Road Award of Damn the Man Excellence. He, like no other, has depicted a very William Wallace like attitude (Wallace is the historical king of Damn the Man). They can take our pennies but they will never take or FREEDOM!


May the Forbes be with you.

Steve Forbes wants to help in our struggle, Iím told. However he also wants our votes in the upcoming presidential election so that makes him one of "the men" and thus he cannot be a member in our band. However a thought of his has merit.

In a speech before the Des Moines, Iowa Chamber of Commerce meeting, he announced that if he is elected president then we, "will have money that looks real again." He of course is speaking of that new money thing where all the 100s and 50s and 20s look like Monopoly money.

Now Forbes reminds me of a butterfly that has been exhumed from the cocoon of the Ross Perot fiasco so Iím not voting for him but I like his bold statement about seemingly meaningless things while children are starving in Hellís Kitchen, New York. However Damn the Man is all about meaningless things. I think Forbes should be considered for membership but under strict probation.

Now if only he can do something about those new quarters.


Special "OPS"

Okay, I mentioned cops a little while ago. Well, turns out some cops arenít so bad. In New Jersey, they are actually being put to good use. There is a program called COPS IN SHOPS. Off duty cops are stationed in local stores for protection and to stop children from buying alcohol and cigarettes.

I like this idea, actually. Any program that employs cops during their off time so they can sleep in their squad cars while actually on duty is a great example the of governmental mindset. One thing that makes me wonder however is do we really need a program title that rhymes? COPS IN SHOPS? I mean if it is important to have a catchy title then I have a few suggestions:

COPS AT STOPS. Cops at school crossings. Stop after-school drug sales.

COPS AND HOCKS. Pawnshops could really use an off duty cop or two.

COPS WITH MOPS. Letís REALLY clean up the city.

COPS WITHOUT FROCKS. A ladies charity event to raise money for the homeless.

COPS IN CROPS. Itís time to eliminate the common scarecrow altogether.


And nowÖ the cow.

Damn the man is more than an interracial brotherhood. It is an interspecies one as well. Across that big pool called the Atlantic, in Oslo, Norway, a great example of our struggle has taken place. Flode the cow. She is a simple bovine with no aspirations of greatness or import but she certainly knows what she wants. Freedom.

While her drone like friends and relatives lazily munched on the green grasses of Ekne Fjord, she stealthily sneaked to the shoreline of the vast Ekne River. Looking to her left, then right, she leaped into the river with a defiant moo and swam for freedom.

Five miles later she achieved her goal. Exhausted and a little scared, she wandered the countryside, discovering a small city. Looking for shelter, she walked into town, was discovered by the local constabulary and arrested.

Damn the man.

She was returned to her warden of a rancher where the man typically turned the event into a national media feast. Soon everyone was celebrating the silly cows endeavor. All at the expense of Flode. Her exploitation continues to this day.

I want to dedicate this day, June 20, 1999 as Flode the Cow Day. Please remember the struggle of this brave and awe-inspiring cow.

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Put simply. Freedom is good. Oppression is bad. When we as a people realize this simple fact then there will be no more man. The damning will be behind us and we can go about our business playing Yhatzee or working or whatever it is we do everyday. Until then we must press forward in our march.

Have a Good Sunday!