Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce to you the next President of the United States, Warren Beatty!

That's right, Warren Beatty. I've decided I haven't done anything excessively stupid in a while so I'm going to endorse the man who brought us Ishtar to the silver screen as the supreme ruler of the land.

And the best part is I'm not just picking his name out of the air, the dude is actually going to run. Recently his publicist announced that Beatty is very intrigued by the idea of being President and is looking into running.

Not everyone however is as stoked as he is though. A phone poll in California yielded him 1% of the vote versus Gore's 42% and Bush's 55%. I don't know what California's problem is, I think Warren Beatty would make a great President. He has all the qualifications, and more importantly nowadays, the look. He played a Senator in the movies. Even Ronald Reagan didn't do that.

What was that? What qualifications, you ask? Well, I'm glad you mentioned that.

How would I vote for Warren Beatty? Let me count the ways:

1.He has excellent command over the spoken word. He can turn phrases better Heidi Fleiss turning tricks.

2.Ever since Bullworth, the black community loves him. He could get Coolio to make a really rappin' theme song that would go to number one and capture the youth, black, and white trash vote all in one swoop.

3.He's a notorious womanizer. Even Bill Clinton would have to bow out. I bet he could get Lewinsky and Hillary in a nasty threesome.

4.Foreign powers already have an instant camaraderie after watching all his films over the years. Only downside here is they would want David Hasselhoff to be V.P.

5.In the tradition of that spooky Kennedy/Lincoln connection. There are 12 letters in Warren Beatty and 12 letters in John F. Kennedy also.

See? It's all very simple. Beatty is a lock. The only major set back to him being the next occupant in the White House is that Annette Benning chick. Don't get me wrong. She's a looker and would make a great first lady but I don't think the United States can take another wife that is smarter than her husband.

A final point that should drive Beatty home in the hearts and minds of American voters: Warren Beatty is scandal proof.

No matter what anyone throws his way, all he has to say is, he lived in Hollywood.




And he could play himself in the movie about him.

It's time for America to return to leave its superficial roots of empty promises and waffling political stances and return to totally hollow uneducated responses to pressing questions and issues.

We need more answers like, "I don't recall". Instead of out and out lies like, "I never did that. I don't know her."

Yes, America. Warren Beatty is the harbinger of a truer time in our history where ignorance is better than deceit. So come November remember this article and vote appropriately.

Thank you. This has been a non-funded political statement on behalf of the Bullwor- uh Warren Beatty for President Campaign.