Principles are an important thing in our lives. While it is true that every one has a "price" so to speak it
is also true that sometimes the price is very, very high. With some people however, the price is just
way too rich for my blood. Or anyone else's for that matter.
For example, Kevin Costner has a price that would rival Zsa Zsa Gabor's speeding ticket bill.
Costner's newest delving into the cinematic realm, For Love of the Game, is the subject of heated
debate between the actor and Universal Studios.
Costner last week blasted the film house for slaughtering the movie in order to receive a PG-13 rating.
He claimed they were bowing to the "highest common denominator" and they "sold out" his precious
performance in order to get the 13 year old demographic into the theatres.
Yesterday, Universal decided to throw him a couple of curve balls themselves.
"I realize this is very much about principle for Kevin, but principle doesn’t mean that you never
compromise. Our feeling is that we have backed the filmmaker, and his name is Sam Raimi, not Kevin
Costner.," says a Universal spokesman.
Okay, I've set up the situation. Now it's time for the real reason for this whole principles debate.
You ready for this?
Kevin Costner is angry at Universal for cutting scenes from the film that have him showing everything
he has to offer.
Literally.
That's right. Kevin Costner: Full Monty.
Yeah, I thought that too.
Aside from the decidedly Lorena Bobbit style of editing, Universal feels cutting Costner's penis was
appropriate. Recent test marketing of the film drew laughter from crowds. ""The audience giggled at
Kevin’s penis," one studio executive said. "Then, in focus groups, they said, ‘Do we really need to see
Kevin Costner’s penis?’ "
I agree with them. Now don't get me wrong. I like Kevin Costner movies. I even liked Waterworld.
But if he starts parading around buck naked I'm going to burn my copy of Robin Hood: Prince of
Thieves. Seeing Mel Gibson's ass in Lethal Weapon is bad enough.
In my unabashed male chauvinistic view of the film industry, there is only one sex allowed to do
nudity.
Women.
Big breasted, hourglass figured, drop dead gorgeous women.
If you don't agree with me then I suggest you check out Harvey Keitel or Dennis Hopper naked in
anyone of their movies.
Besides, I'm still trying to figure out why Costner thinks showing off his package even falls anywhere
close to the heading, "art".
"It’s worth fighting for. It’s worth protecting," Says Costner.
What a dick!
I can't stand Kevin Costner. In order to find a more egotistical, meglomanical human being you would
have to grab a shovel and dig up Liberace.
To give equal time however, Costner stands up (no pun intended) for what he believes in. Facing the
Hollywood machine is not an easy task. And in the past it has proven successful for him. Dances with
Wolves was edited three times by Universal before Costner demanded he be given free editing reign or
it would never be released. Others have done the same thing. Just recently with James Cameron and
Titanic.
Art versus money. It's been the debate of Hollywood since day one.
Penis versus money however isn't even in the Screen Actors Guild by-laws.
Folks, principles are definitely an important thing to savor and protect.
So are penises for that matter.
But when it comes to matters likes these its best to keep them "in the can" to coin a phrase.
As long as Lorena doesn't have the can opener.