Hi folks! Yeah, no article over the Easter Holidays. I figured I'd leave everyone to their individual activities and chores over the eggfest and such. But while you were hunting down pastel chicken orbs and fighting over who gets the bunny ears, I have been hard at work hacking through the cyberjungle looking for little Easter eggs of my own. And boy did I find a few gems.

They all have a little something to do with good old Jesus Christ and his famed disposition of free speech. Free speech is a founding subject of the American way of life. Indeed, all of humanity struggles for the ability to yack without persecution. Sometimes however they go a little too far. Even if the information can be useful.

Playboy international recently reprimanded the Chief Editor of Playboy Romania for publishing an article that, "flies in the face of Playboy's 46 year history." The article, entitled "'How to Beat Your Wife Without Leaving Traces," recently appeared in their April Issue. Playboy CEO, Christie Hefner, was infuriated by the brashness of the Romanian version of Larry Flynt. The article gives step by step instructions on how to improve sex with your spouse through use of bruises and bumps. "We will not condone it" Hefner says in a sternly worded fax.

Now I agree. Smacking women is wrong and in my opinion prosecutable but an article like this coming from Playboy seems like a natural transition. Exploitation to laceration. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy Playboy. Well, I enjoy the articles. Yes, the articles. And I have always held Playboy in the highest regard. That is why I keep my collection safely locked away from prying eyes in a dark, secluded corner, behind a false wall, in a padlocked box, sealed in cellophane tape with a motion sensing alarm. Besides, on a scant few occasions I have noticed the decidedly erect nipples on those models. How else to achieve this than a well placed pinch? Seems proper step by step instruction is a useful thing, provided she's willing. Other than that go to jail. Go directly to jail, no passing GO, no 200 bucks, just jail. Exploitation to laceration to incarceration. Ah, the process of natural selection. Gotta love it.

But freedom of speech doesn't have to be this violent. Well, actually it does. At least in China anyway. Recently Chinese authorities arrested Li Lusong for badmouthing the communist government. He was detained and beaten (this time without step by step instructions) for scrawling on a public wall, "Get rid of corruption, get rid of corrupt officials". Upon waking up from his involuntary slumber, he began to yell and scream at the police from within his cell. So the cops cut out his tongue.

Ouch. I wonder if that'll leave a trace?

China publicly said they don't condone this kind of behavior (How very Hefner of them) but they didn't specify whether they were talking about the dude or the police. So I guess this makes the count now, exploitation to incarceration to amputation. Jeez, this is starting to get complicated.

And finally on to our last bit of free speech.

Ever hear of method acting? It's a process through which an actor will do whatever he or she can to get into the role as deeply as possible. Well, it's a tried and true way of making a character believable. For instance: In Rome, Italy an Easter play was cut short by an actor going a little too far in his research. Renato Di Paolo, a 23 year old thespian was playing Judas Iscariot for an audience of thousands. He gave the best performance of his life, an incidentally his last performance. During the tree hanging scene he committed suicide the same way his character did. Actors and audience members alike stood and screamed as the audible crack from his neck was heard.

The show ended right away.

So we have exploitation to what? Standing ovation?

This is going to require some contemplation, maybe even a little explanation. All I know is the guy deserves a commendation for such a brilliant deliveration of an Easter Dramatization.

Is anyone reading this Hatian? What's your favorite radio station? Oops, I better get out of here before someone decides I need elimination. Perhaps a vacation. Anything to avoid emaciation.

Please, no need for placation. I'll see you next week for another dissertation.

Consider this article a figment of your imagination.

See ya!

-Hy