Copyright 2001. All Rights Reserved. Written by Adam Hyland. To Subscribe Please E-mail: Website Address:

I feel sorry for Eminem. I found out he's being sued for twelve million dollars for defamation of character. Seems he called some woman an unstable, lawsuit happy, drug user. Wow, pretty harsh words. Especially when he's talking about his Mom. Logic says the real slim shady is the bad guy here but consider the words of his grandmother who said of her litigating daughter, "She dropped the suit to reconcile with her son, then she changed her mind and then back again. Now I don't know what the @&%$ she's doing." Hmm. I guess family ties include nooses.


Since the world said, "Hello Dolly" to that cute little cloned sheep in Scotland we have been worried about man playing God. Well, it seems God is capable of handling things, thank you very much. Recently a duplicated calf was found dead in a pasture full of manually created cows. Scientists are at a loss to explain the mysterious decalfination. One theory is that a bolt of lightning struck it down. From bovine to Divine. Spooky.


So the Philadelphia 76ers are playing the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA Championship. Sportscasters everywhere are calculating the odds of winning, losing and who will win the coveted Most Valuable Player Award. As if any of this really matters. The only way the 76ers are going to win is if the Lakers bench their entire starting line-up in favor of five Oompa-Loompas and a stepladder. I hate the Lakers but I do give credit where credit is due. However, this finals is not a challenge. I say before we hand Shaq another MVP Award we cut off one of his legs and make him hop all over the place. As for Kobe, we'll just shoot him and stuff him in a box, maybe THAT will keep him just inside double-double range…


The Hy5 Quote of the Week:

From Gay Wrestling Star Kyle Bradford recently sued by Not-gay Tom Cruise to a group of fans,

"Wrestle hard guys!"

I'm hoping he meant "Wrestle hard, guys!" but either way scares me.


Finally, go see Moulin Rouge. I'm not reviewing the film but if you don't go see it I'm mailing a rabid ferret to your house.

See you next week!