Recently my household took a televised stroll down memory lane by watching one of our favorite series of shows, "From the Earth to the Moon." A remarkable organization of shows depicting the United States Space Program during the Apollo years, it is probably one of the greatest conglomerations of science and entertainment on film. I highly suggest it.

Anyway, I was poking around the internet today in search of my next Hy5 topic when I happened upon an article that gives new meaning to "Moon Shot". The Associated Press released a statement from physicist Leonard Reiffel who worked for NASA in the 1950's. It seems that while the US Space Program was sputtering the Soviet program was Sputniking, as is listed in history textbooks all over this land. And as everyone knows it made every red white and blue-blooded American quiver with the thought that a Communist orb was hovering over their heads every ninety minutes.

So NASA and The Air Force decided to make a statement. They were going to blow up the Moon. I'm serious, in a plan called "A Study of Lunar Research Flights," The U.S. Government under the suggestion of Eisenhower was going to launch an atomic bomb to the moon and blow it up. They even had Carl Sagan working on it. He made a report for the government that explained what the theoretical effects of a nuclear explosion on the surface of the Moon would be. The report said the Moon would turn into billions and billions of microscopic particles, which would send an end all be all statement to those damn Ruskies. Earth is a strictly a one satellite planet and since they just had to launch their pathetic little silver ball into the blackness of space then everyone could blame them for the loss.

Typical.

Now obviously they never went through with the program but they never explained why. Clearly it couldn't have been the government suddenly realizing the idea was flipping stupid. That would never happen. They made a claim in their released report that they didn't want to endanger American's lives in case of a catastrophic failure. Uh-huh. That's consistent with a government that likes to kill off college students whom disagree with them and scatter the American public during little things like red scares and Japanese-American concentration camps.

Now here's the fun part. I think they should have done it. Think about it. Imagine a big ass hole in the moon and looking up at the devastation and smiling with the warmth of American power and prowess. What could be more American? We have a long history of hacking apart the natural resources around us to make a point. Think about it. We landed here five hundred years ago and thought this would be a good place to live. We moved in and the Indians started to charge rent. So we killed them all.

Almost five centuries of consistent political and ecological strip mining later we see a shiny Russian basketball with antennae floating around. So we up the ante by launching the most destructive weapon we have ever devised toward a totally innocent hunk of rock and detonating it just to make a prove that American apple pie tastes than Russian whateverthehellitistheymakeoverthere.

In fact I think they should have welded on a couple of air to air missiles onto Apollo 8 and blown that piece of crap Russian module that orbited the moon before us. How dare they send an unmanned hunk of red rusted garbage to the Moon just to try and beat us there! No, sir! The American motto is "We're number one! If we ever become number two we will beat your ass till you cry uncle!" Where's my flag? I want to Pledge Allegiance again!

Everyone repeat after me, "Those f-@#*!-ing Russians!"

Now in the end the Apollo program entered the picture and we have been kicking those red butts all over the cosmos ever since. And we can now look up in the sky while we're making out under the beautiful full moon and say, "You're ours dammit and nobody is gonna take you away from us!" See? It actually is possible for two governments to enter a pissing contest without getting it all over the rim. Of course we still went to the Moon for all the wrong reasons but at least we didn't radiate the damn thing in the process.

Besides, I understand the Chinese want to go there soon.

I wonder if the shuttle has a battle stations mode?

Have a good Weekend!

-Hy

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